Missing
by talking-eye
Summary: My version of the death in 3.16. Cristina and Ellis focused.


Meredith is missing.

The last thing Cristina thinks she'd do would be sitting here, alone in the quiet room, doing nothing.

_Well, that is if Ellis Grey doesn't count as a living soul and watching over her means nothing._

Cristina hears her heart racing inside her. The nurses told her Ellis was kicking and screaming. They're scared she'd have a v-fib.

She isn't Richard Webber, nor is she Meredith Grey, but somehow Cristina manages to calm her best friend's mother down in no time.

Cristina has never put _mother_ and _affection_ in the same sentence. A mixed feeling of mild anxiety and relief surges through her body as she sits on the bed of Ellis Grey, holding the hand that has saved many lives.

Ellis Grey is sitting numbly, her eyes staring blankly at something far away. It would have made Cristina uncomfortable to stay in this extreme silence normally, yet it's surprisingly soothing as she tries to imagine how her best friend will soon run in to give her a gentle hug in her most Meredith-way.

"I want to go home. Please let me go home."

The begging startles Cristina.

What exactly does _home_ mean? It isn't a place, it's a feeling, it's the people, it's a promise that someone will be there to protect you and love you, something Cristina has lost growing up in her Los Angeles home but slowly regaining after she came to Seattle Grace.

"I want to see Meredith. Where's Meredith?"

As the grip tightens around her hand, Cristina swallows hard. Whether Ellis Grey is lucid or confused, the panic and desperation feel real.

Will Ellis understand if Cristina tells her Meredith is missing?

Will she understand that by becoming the top surgeon, she's probably lost her home long ago?

"You're at Seattle Grace. You're safe here."

As little experience as she has with people with dementia, Cristina instinctively knows it makes no sense to report the truth or to argue. The fragile figure in bed makes Cristina's heart ache as she moves a little closer.

Cristina sees herself slowly tearing down the boundaries she used to adhere to adamantly. Nobody would have imagined seeing Cristina sitting on her patient's bed, let alone stroking her arm and pushing the hair off her forehead.

She doesn't want to become Izzie Stevens. As much as she lets Burke melt her resolve and go soft, Cristina can't bear to become overly-involved emotionally with her patients.

But Ellis Grey is going to die. It's a premonition. It feels very much like staying with Liz Fallon during her first week of internship.

And Ellis Grey might die without her daughter around her, because Meredith might already be waiting for her mother in the other side of the world.

The thought brings a shade of gray to Cristina's face—she's a surgeon who's supposed to save life. Why does she end up sitting so close to death?

"Where's Meredith? Meredith. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

It is unsettling to see Ellis Grey breaking into tears, burying her head in her hands.

"It's Ok, it's Ok…" Cristina is close to giving Ellis Grey a hug. How can one not want to do it when she sees so much pain and confusion in a woman who used to be the best of the best?

Then her pager goes off.

"Meredith, don't go away. Please. I am so sorry…"

Instead of shaking her hands off, Cristina stretches out her arm and let her hand remain in the grip of Ellis as she stands up, preparing to walk away.

She's covering the entire cardiothoracic ward. Against her better judgment, Cristina chooses to stay.

After all, if it's a real emergency, the nurses will know where to find her. If Ellis Grey loses Cristina, she won't find her way back.

"I made your life miserable. I'm a terrible mother. It's all my fault. I didn't try hard enough."

Every word uttered feels like a sharp blade into Cristina's heart. She shouldn't have been the one listening to all these. Meredith should. Yet, it makes her shiver as she hears the confession, as if Ellis Grey is really her own mother.

Maybe every mother has her own guilt? Maybe every mother has always wanted to be better? Maybe motherhood is always filled with misgivings?  
"You've tried. You've tried very hard," Cristina finally speaks. "She'll understand."

Ellis Grey suddenly pauses and looks behind Cristina, indicating the arrival of someone else.

Cristina wishes it's Meredith, but it actually gives her greater relief when she realizes it's Burke—even if he might be here to blame her for not answering the page.

"Sorry, Dr. Burke, I'll—" The tremor in Cristina's voice is new to Burke. The expression on Cristina's face is so tender that it reminds him of Florence Nightingale, although he knows in his heart that Cristina won't be too happy to be compared to a nurse.

"It's Ok, Cristina."

Burke walks towards the bed and sits her down on the bed again as he lays his hands on her shoulders.

All Burke wants is to check on Cristina and see if everything is fine. He's been worrying about how she'll handle the death of her best friend, her first best friend in life.

The fact that she volunteers to go and stay with Ellis Grey is purely admirable. Instead of caring about potentially negative consequences placed upon herself, Cristina is defying her page to be the refuge of her best friend's dying mother.

She is sticking.

Burke didn't think about it that way in the past. Now, he reckons how loyal Cristina has been to everyone, every single one of them, even when they are not reciprocating that every time.

This is a woman who is more complex than he's chosen to believe in. Whoever says she's cold and selfish has simply been blinded by her radiant presence.

"You can stay."

Shifting her gaze between the handsome attending and the good-hearted intern, Ellis Grey is gradually lifting herself from the confusion and fright. Smiling intently at the two of them and at Burke in particular, she can't restrain from saying, "You're a beautiful, beautiful man."

Burke knows about Richard and Ellis in their youth. It makes him nervous as Ellis continues to stare at him.

Cristina is still feeling very tense, worrying about the Greys. But as she sees the twinkle in Burke's eyes, she eases out her worries a little.

As she continues to feel the warmth coming from Burke's hands, Cristina tries to make a few deep breaths to stop her heart from beating so fast.

Despite her mental condition, Ellis Grey seems to have seen through all the small gestures going on between the two doctors in front of her. Gone is the agitation in Ellis Grey as she curls up her lips for a few rare moments.

"If she can make you happy, don't ever let go," her breath thickening, Ellis still manages to sound sensible.

Burke blushes as both women begin to focus their attention on him.

"I'm proud of you. You've grown into such a fine woman. And you're happy. You deserve to be happy."

Shutting her lips tightly and blinking her eyes, Cristina knows Ellis Grey is confusing her with Meredith, and yet it makes her feel really good to have a mother-figure say those words to her.

"Thank you, mother," Cristina finds herself kissing Ellis Grey's forehead. It all comes so naturally that neither Burke nor herself is taken aback by it.

Nobody moves in the room, until Ellis said her final words, "Promise me you'll be happy."

Has it not been the rule of do not resuscitate, Cristina would have done something.

Deep down, Cristina doesn't want to let go of Ellis Grey, someone who's been so encouraging and influential—like a mother; someone who has shown her how she should not only treasure Burke as her source of happiness, but also building this well of joy together, day by day.

"She's gone."

Wrapping Cristina in his arms, Burke allows her to sob quietly before they call the nurse.

Meredith is still missing.  



End file.
